if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
