it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
