A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
