I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
