During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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