I want to walk on stilts...naked
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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