Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
