I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
