Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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