I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
