Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
