spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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