the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
