I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
