I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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