My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so let's talk penis.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
