Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
