wrigley field is MILF paradise
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
