I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
