Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
