I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
