Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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