I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
