Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
