Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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