Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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