and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
