Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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