listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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