The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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