she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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