I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
