Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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