I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
