So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
