please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
