When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
