somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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