who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
