I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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