P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
