Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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