STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
