Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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