So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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