Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
