Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
