i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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