She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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