He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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