Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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