We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
