She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
