Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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