I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
