you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
