standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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